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movin’ on up

Hi friends of the Interwebs,

I’ve taken the plunge and having a second go at Typepad. I’m liking it and I think that y’all will as well. I’ve moved the Scraps & Lagniappe archive, complete with comments over to the new blog, so you won’t miss anything. So make yourself at home at the new place and hang out for a while. Just don’t track in any leaves or anything, I just vacuumed.

Love,
Kerry

http://kerryfaler.typepad.com/

clipped from www.typepad.com

TypePad
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hey y’all

Hey y’all, I have a favor to ask.  I’m not demanding, I don’t ask for much, but I could use a little help.  Someone just said “yeah, you could use a lot of help” and I heard that.  Anyway, I’ve been playing around with Typepad and I kinda like it, so go check out the Typepad version of the Kerry blog and tell me whatcha think in the comments.  Ok?  Thanks.

cute shoes

I’m not a heel person, because I trip on flat surfaces and heels usually make me want to take them off, throw them against a wall and put on slippers. That aside, I found these cute kinda low heels by Sofft or is it Softt?) on Zappos and ordered them along with a pair of boots to wear with the sweater dresses I have in my closet that I’d like to wear. These shoes look like 40’s and 50’s to me — something Katharine Hepburn would have worn in The Philadelphia Story. Now I want to watch that film. Cary Grant is the original George Clooney, people. Pure awesomeness. So are the shoes.
clipped from www.zappos.com

Sofft Calypso
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I’d seen this photo of Madonna aka Esther vogue

(pay attention, Beyonce or Sasha Fierce or Rainbow Sno-cone, whatever you’re calling yourself) and it reminded me of something else.

I couldn’t put my finger on it, then it came to me.  female bodybuilder

Madge, step away from the barbells.  You’re starting to scare children and the elderly.  Really, all you’re missing is the baby oil and you’re ready for Miss Greasy Muscle Chick World.  And that facial expression is doing nothing for you.  That’s the look the drive-thru bank teller gives me when I have more than 3 transactions and you’re supposed to go inside if you have that many, but she says, “Mrs. Faler, next time you really need to come inside if you have this many transactions.” And then she purses her lips and squints her eyes at me with that disapproving look, like “I know I’ve told you this before, lady, and next time I’m gonna cut you.”  Maybe it’s just me.

It’s time to put the weights down and have a cookie.  Cookies make people happy and make you forget you look like part of the touring cast of Interview with the Vampire: the Musical.  I’m just saying.

new in women’s health

IMPORTANT HEALTH ISSUE FOR WOMEN


Do you have feelings of inadequacy?

Do you suffer from shyness?

Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Margaritas.

Margaritas are the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions.  Margaritas can
help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you’re ready and willing to do just about anything.
You will notice the benefits of Margaritas almost immediately and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.
Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with Margaritas.

Margaritas may not be right for everyone.  Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Margaritas.

However, women who wouldn’t mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may
include:
– Dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration
– Erotic lustfulness
– Loss of motor control
– Loss of clothing
– Loss of money
– Loss of virginity
– Attraction to the same sex
– Table dancing
– Headache
– Dehydration
– Dry mouth
– And a desire to sing Karaoke

WARNING: The consumption of Margaritas may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

WARNING: The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love        them.

WARNING: The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to think you can sing.

WARNING: The consumption of Margaritas may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

Melissa sent the above and it was too good not to share.  I’m sorry I don’t have the writer’s name to attribute it to, but thank you, mystery writer.  And just in case you’re wondering — no, I’ve never had any of those experiences, as I have been intoxicated twice in my life.  I have my one margarita a year on the holiest of holidays, Cinco de Mayo. However, I was tipsy once at a Cuco’s in Monroe and could not get out of the bathroom stall because I couldn’t work the sliding lock.  I think I was in there for 20 minutes wondering who locked me in.  Nice, huh?  I do not need the influence of alcohol to do stupid things, I’m superfantastic at doing stupid things while remaining sober.  It’s a talent of mine.

And I know for a fact that the consumption of maragritas will make you think you can sing due to a certain BFF of mine who belted out “I can’t make you love me if you don’t” in a packed Mexican restaurant in Ruston.  After that she proceeded to knock down a display in a grocery store.  So awesome.  I will keep that BFF’s name in my confidential mental Rolodex in case her clients, friends, or family members do not know that story.  Ah, youth. I have many more stories I could tell, but alas, I’m going to go chat on Facebook.

clipped from www.igigi.com

Hey party people, y’all know I’m indecisive, so I’m asking for help to pick a dress

for the Christmas party.  I started looking at other dresses today, realizing maybe

I should look for something I could wear again and it’s going to be December, hence,

try something with sleeves.  All 3 dresses are from igigi.com — they have a nice

selection of plus-sized dresses and they have video of the dresses!  How fun is that.

So let’s get to voting.#1 is the red wrap ruffle dress; #2 is the green velvet dress;

#3 is the fun green dress with jewels

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oh no you didn’t

Dear Beyonce (aka Sasha Fierce),

Stop it. What in the name of Wham are you doing? Did you somehow acquire a time machine and go back to 1992 and steal the motorcycle bustier from George Michael’s “Too Funky” video? I’m on to you, Beyonce.

Listen, it was kind of cute when you said you wanted to be Sasha Fierce, but it’s time to stop. We all feel like being someone else sometimes, but no one actually creates a new identity. And if they did, they would be crazy, just like you look like crazy came to town in this picture. I’m sure Garth Brooks would tell you, taking on a new persona doesn’t work. The name Chris Gaines ring a bell?

So, go back to being Beyonce, because George Michael and I can’t take it anymore. I’m blaming the headache I have right now on this picture and I’m billing you for my Excedrin Migraine.

Sincerely,

Kerry Faler (aka Champagne Supernova)

clipped from www.dlisted.com

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